The Hipster

 

The following is an excerpt from the volume: Human Naturalism: A Guide to the Strange World of Humanity.

 

THE HIPSTER: A BRIEF OVERVIEW

 

Hipster as Viewed in Natural Habitat

 

The Hipster is a strange creature posing many conundrums for the modern naturalist. One can find a Hipster in its natural habitats (coffee shops, internet cafes, etc.) and have a high chance of spotting one of these in the wild.

A Hipster is distinguished from homeless vagrants by its use of outrageously priced electronic devices, and the high caffeine contents in its internal fluids. Many will often wear a plaid outer-garment; a simple short-sleeved shirt, sporting an ironic phrase, or a reference to a group of individuals, who had no musical talent and are now dead; denim trousers; and a wool-knit beanie.

It is well-known that many creatures of the human race will fantastic growths of hair on top of their heads. Humans are known for having much dedication to the cultivation of these growths. The hipster, however, has no such care for the top of its head; it prefers the bottom. Yes, horrible but true, the male Hipster will cover its head with the beanie and then focus all its energy into growing a spectacular mane underneath its chin in a demonstration of male dominance and superiority. ^[1]

Even if, as in the case with female Hipsters, you are not able to locate any of the physical characteristics listed above, there is one following characteristic which is true throughout the Hipster species.

Glasses.

All Hipsters wear glasses. If the specimen you are viewing does not wear glasses, then please contact your local naturalist society, as a new sub-species may have been discovered!

Though it is true that not all humans wearing glasses are Hipsters, the difference between Hipster glasses and human glasses, is that, in the case of the Hipsters, they do not actually need glasses, they simply believe it makes them look distinguished.

                   Again, if the Hipster you are viewing does actually need glasses, they might not be a Hipster. Use your discretion, and, if you believe a new sub-species may have been discovered, contact your local naturalist society.

Hipsters are usually non-aggressive. However, use caution when broaching the subject of their preferred bands of untalented, musical humans. It is rare that a Hipster will be any danger to you, but I believe that upsetting such gentle creatures is tantamount to cruelty.

I encourage all those interested in beginning a career in human naturalism, to start by studying a Hipster in the wild. Just make sure to remember to go on these expeditions with a professional human naturalist.

I can assure you that it will be an enlightening experience, with little danger of loss of life or limb, and will ignite your own passion in the noble art of human naturalism.

Yours Truly, Arthur D. Trenton

 

 

^[1] As of yet, there are no Hipsters in captivity. All information presented here are exclusively from natural observations. However, we have great hope that one can be acquired for full anatomical analysis.